the mystery of that thang called “love”

Mystery of that Love thang…It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how it happens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery why some loves grow and it is a mystery why some loves fail.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons and causes, but you will never do any more than take the life out of the experience. Just as life itself is something more than the sum of the bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body, love is something more than the sum of the interests and attractions and commonalities that two people share. And just as life itself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, the coming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift that cannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes-hopefully at least once in your life-the gift of love will come to you in full flower and you will take hold of it and celebrate it in all its inexpressible beauty. This is the dream we all share. More often, it will come and take hold of you, celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happens when I have seen this with young people they too often try to grasp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is a gift freely given and a gift that just as freely moves away. When they fall out of love, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving, they try desperately to reclaim love that is lost rather than accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. They want to know what is wrong with them that makes the other person no longer loves them, or they try to get their lover to change, thinking that if some small thing were different love would bloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that if they go far away and start a new life together their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. But there is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until they accept its mysterious ways they live in a sea of misery and emotional angst .

I guess we need to all know this about love and to accept it. You need to treat what it brings you with kindness. If you find yourself in love with someone who does not love you, be gentle with yourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn’t choose to rest in the other person’s heart.

If you find someone else in love with you and you don’t love her, feel honored love came and called at your door, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do not take advantage, do not cause pain. How you deal with love is how love will deal with you, and all our hearts feel the same pains and joys, even if our lives and ways are very different.

If you fall in love with another, and she falls in love with you, and then love chooses to leave, do not reclaim it or to access blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is a meaning. You will know it in time, but time itself will choose the moment.

Remember that you don’t chose love, Love chooses you. Something I am especially grateful for in this lifetime

All you can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the person who brought it alive in you. Give it to others who seem poor in spirit. Give it to the world around you in any way you can.

This is where I think is where so many lovers go wrong. Having been so long without love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, and they begin to look at love as something that flows to them rather than from them.

In the first blush of new love…they are filled to overflowing, but as their love cools they revert seeing their love as a need. They cease to be someone who generates love and instead become someone who seeks love. They forget that the secret of love is that it is a gift and that it can be made to grow only by giving it away.

Remember this and keep it in your heart I tell myself. Love has its own time, its own season and its own reasons for coming and going.. You cannot bribe it…or coerce it or reason it into staying. You can only embrace it when it arrives and give it away when it comes to you. But if it chooses to leave, from the heart of from the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and nothing you should do..In the end..love always has been and will always be..from time immortal a mystery. I guess we should all be glad it came to live for a moment maybe longer in our lives…If you keep your heart open..you will extend those moments for months..years..maybe the rest of your and my life…

~ by disorderlybeautifulchaos on January 9, 2010.